Dear Momma

It's nice to be raised with morals, and standards, and such. Sunday school every Sunday since birth and praying at the dinner table. It gave me something to lean back on, structure and comfort. And thanks for that. Really, I got to see a way of life people don't always understand. But that's all it was, observation and knowledge. That's what I want to take from it. I don't want a lecture about god every single day for every single thing. It's exhausting. You gave me a foundation and now it's time for me to build my own way. To figure out things on my own, without god in every sentence. If I'm going to practice a religion, I want it to be because of a personal choice and not a family tradition. I feel like I can't talk to you without you shoving god down my throat. I just want to have a conversation with you, not "the word of god".

Love you always, Baptist or not,
Victoria

Civics

I cannot stand when people tease dogs through a fence, no, when people torture dogs through a fence. Little kids throwing fireworks in the yard, banging a stick against the gate, taunting them with food. It's disgusting. Kids did this to my uncle's dog, a huge Labrador, Golden Retriever, and Boxer mix. The poor thing is scared of loud noises and people now. Who ARE these kids? How can children so young become so desensitized? Obviously they didn't watch Lion King, or see Bambi's mom die, or any of the Black Beauty movies. Obviously. But seriously, this needs to stop. Torturing any living thing is wrong.

Is Poverty a Choice?

I think that poverty is something one is born into. But I also think that there is a time in each person's life where they can choose something better for themselves. Opportunities exist for everyone. The chance to work somewhere, the chance to go to school, the chance to get out of a bad situation. The problem is when people have no encouragement to do any of these things. It seems so simple to us, do this and you'll live like that. That's what most of us have been told growing up. Succeed, succeed, succeed. But what if no one told us we had a choice? Or that every choice we made had a consequence? What if no one is pushing them to make the right choice or even a choice at all? From an outside perspective things are black and white, but nobody's life is as clear as that. I also think that people can live with glimpses of poverty. That they can be comfortable one minute and then have an empty fridge the next. And people like that also have choices that have put them back into a bad position. Your mother has a good job, but doesn't make good decisions, and this week you only ate lunch twice. In this case, poverty was a choice.

Integration in America

Segregation. That was a long time ago. Long before my parents'  time, and before my grandparents' time.  And yet each generation has carried the burden of its leftovers. Because there is more to segregation than just it being illegal. Racism is carried through generations, rooted in families, and is still prevalent. It's sterotypes that are encouraged and shared over and over. It's my Hispanic dad saying never date black guys. And my polish grandpa who won't say it, but he's happy im not dating that "Mexican boy" anymore. It's my Mexican grandma against Puertoricans. Nobody wants to be at the bottom. There's always someone else to dislike. Throughout their lives they've been stereotyped and yet here they are, making assumptions about other people. It's going to be a long time until the people of America, whites AND minorities learn to accept integration. We separate in schools, in neighborhoods, in organizations. Because it's easier. It's easier to accept what's been embedded in our minds. And the moment we choose to go the more difficult route is the moment that integration will be a complete reality.

Malcolm X Chapters 1-12

Malcolm X. A civil rights activist. I knew that's what he was. And a civil rights activist is influential. They are good people, who do good things. But then we read this book. And I was shocked. Throughout these chapters Malcolm X sold reefers, took part in robberies, and went to prison. He didn't lead a perfect life. People like Malcolm X, they accomplished big things. But they aren't saints. They're just like us. And that's what makes them inspirational. He first worked to overcome his own personal flaws, and only then was he able to work towards overcoming the flaws in society.

Frankly Speaking

           I've read, aside from school, many books about the holocaust. Each one filled with a brutal account of survival in a concentration camp, survival in a ghetto, and the gruesome details that make the American life seem like a dream. For Victor Frankl, his experiences related in this book were used for somewhat of an explanation, to go beyond the horrific story we have all heard, and expose the mindset of an average prisoner. Strange that we, sitting on our warm couches, our cozy beds, or with a full stomach in class could even attempt to try, but nonetheless Frankl gives us the chance. Man's Search For Meaning. He not only revisits his experiences and shares his intimate thought processes, but he goes even further. It's like "here take my horrifying experience, take my hunger, my pain, my exhaustion, my humiliation and I want you (sitting on the cozy bed, the comfy couch, the classroom with your full stomach) to use this to find meaning in your life. I'm gonna show you how to find meaning." It's mind numbing. That he gave and gave and gave. His wife, his freedom, his body, and so much more only to in the end turn around and give back, to use his experience to help. To give the world Logotherapy, and even after being in a world without humanity to be able to make an impact on humanity.

The Meaning of Life

           I cannot speak for people as a whole. I don't know who people are meant to be, and what their lives are supposed to exemplify, or the potential in their existence. I don't even know who I am sometimes. I know who I want to be. I think as individuals we choose the meaning of our life. It's up to the individual to discover their purpose, and honestly people can spend years trying to figure that out.
         So in my own life, where I find meaning now, is in the people I am closest to, whether it be family or friends. There is meaning where there is hope, and constantly hoping for something better is where I find my solid ground. And all these people, hoping alongside me, for me, for us, are a beautiful picture of taking what we are given and working with it. How can anyone make meaning with nothing? It's natural to want to latch on to things that seem to be working out, that seem to make sense. And when good things happen, there's some reassurance of that. So I will continue to hope and to enjoy everything and everyone that I can. And if I can't, I will fall back a little and keep going.
       I suppose, after all of the above rambling, the meaning in my life is motivation. What I will be motivated in. Who motivates me. And wherever that may lead.